My Family’s Take on Current Affairs

There is nothing sacred in my family. Nothing. We live with the theory that if you can’t laugh about everything, you should probably stay far, far away from us. Last night I found myself discussing current affairs with my dad and brother. Here is a snippet from one our conversations:

Daddy
A helicopter crashed in California while filming a reality show. How’s that for reality?
Me
Yes, I saw that. Irony. It’s the opposite of wrinkly, which I’d imagine that chopper is now.
Daddy
You’re a sicko.

Then our conversation turned toward the Grammys, at which point Daddy bowed out as he was being forced to watch (his words, not mine) Hello, Dolly! by the female parental unit. Here are some highlights from my conversation with Robby…

on Adele’s choice of clothing:

Me
What the heck is Adele wearing?
Scott
Was that once a couch?
Me
Yes, I think I saw it at a flea market not long ago.
Robby
OMG! She looks like an oriental rug.

on Rihanna’s repeated stage performances:

Me
Rihanna looks like she is seizing on stage.
Robby
She keeps singing, “Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay,” and all I can think is, “Gooooooooooooo.”
Me
Seriously. Where’s Grumpy Cat when you need it?

on whatever the heck was happening to Carrie Underwood’s dress during her performance:

Robby
Carrie Underwood needs to stop screaming at me.
Me
What’s happening to her dress?
Robby
And why is her dress molding? I have a lot of questions.
Me
And not a lot of answers….

on the lovely tribute to those who passed on in 2012:

Me
A sitar virtuoso. You don’t see a lot of those.
Me
Oh! And a cuatro virtuoso, too. Impressive.
Robby
Man, a lot of people went six feet under last year.

on Zac Brown’s head adornments:

Me
Oh, that’s nice. Zac Brown is looking considerably less Amish now, receiving this award.
Robby
Have you seen Amish Mafia?
Me
No? I thought the Amish were a peaceful people.
Robby
No. Apparently they are a very cut-throat society. Er, cut-beard, it turns out. AHAHAHAHA. Did you see homeboy got fifteen years for his little beard-cutting gang activities?
Me
Haters gon’ hate.

and finally, a tirade on the guy covering “Your Song”:

Robby
Elton John is freaking there
Robby
let him sing his own song
Robby
someone needs to tell this guy to gtfo the stage
Robby
this sucks


Cheers, y’all! :)